By Shala Hainer
Thinking of the holidays brings memories of time with family, warm conversations by the fire and laughter with those you love. Even the most amicable divorces can make you feel overwhelmed, lonely or sad when the holidays roll around.
You don’t just have to smile and deal with your emotions privately – enlist the aid of friends and family, focus on self-care and find your path to truly enjoying the holidays and celebrating not just with a smile on your face, but one in your heart as well.
Create New Traditions
One of the most difficult things during the holidays is reliving all the happy moments from when you were married. Maybe his mother made the best holiday desserts, or maybe you made it a point to take the kids to see holiday lights just at dusk every Christmas Eve.
Stop thinking about that right this second! Memories are amazing things, and they help craft you into the wonderful person you are, but they are the past. Where you are now is the present, and you have the unique opportunity to turn the holidays into anything you want.
Think about new traditions to start, and set them in motion. Make these traditions something you can do on your own, with friends, with family or with your kids. For example, watch a funny holiday movie during the first night of your holiday vacation. Roast s’mores, using peppermint bark instead of chocolate, over the fire, or even over your gas stove burners, on Thanksgiving night. Start a gratitude journal every year on New Year’s Day.
These new traditions give you something to look forward to every year – something that is just for you, even if you end up sharing the traditions with people you love.
Travel
If you’re feeling low about spending the holidays alone, think about somewhere you’ve always wanted to go, then go there! It could be as simple as seeing snow-covered mountain tops in the Smokeys on Christmas morning, or as exotic as walking the dramatic cliffs in Croatia. From a long weekend to a two-week jaunt, traveling can help you find your center, explore new places and create new memories to focus on during the holidays.
Feel free to take friends, family and kids with you on these trips, but remember: being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. You can travel alone and enjoy the different pace of another country or the quiet solitude of a peaceful mountain cabin without once feeling lonely.
Make a Plan
While it might seem easier to just wait and see what everyone else wants to do, planning ahead does more than gives you something to look forward to: it makes sure you’re not dreading the unknown. Envisioning what your holiday might look like can lead to anxiety, so nip that in the bud.
Take control of the situation, and make plans way in advance – several months in advance, if you need that. If you have kids, confirm which days you’ll have them and which days they will be with your ex. If you don’t, go ahead and lock down whose house you’ll be spending the holiday at, and who else will be there, recommends Psychology Today. Take a step further and just invite them all to your house.
Don’t Get Stuck on the Day
We sometimes put a premium on certain days, but change your focus to fit your priorities. If it’s your ex’s turn to have the kids on Thanksgiving, don’t be sad. Instead, plan a special Thanksgiving celebration a different day. If you’re going out of town for New Year’s, ask your friends if you can get together with them either before or after the holiday to celebrate some time together. The actual day you see each other doesn’t matter, as long as you get to see each other.
Give Yourself Some Love
Husbands often give their wives gifts like spa gift certificates and jewelry. Don’t think for a second these are gone forever just because you’re divorced. Again, take control, and give yourself permission to give yourself a gift this holiday season.
Giving yourself some self-care time makes you better able to be a good friend, sister, mother and daughter. Consider a massage, facial, new haircut or even a new exercise program to help you relieve stress. This can tie into several of the other suggestions – maybe go to a spa at the hotel in Beliz while you’re traveling, or make it a tradition to get holiday designs on your fingernails during a manicure.
However you decide to spend your holiday, remember that you are in control of your holiday destiny. Take that control and embrace it – when you decide you are going to have a happy holiday season, you will find a way to make that a reality. While your holidays might look different than they did when you were married, there’s no reason they can’t look better.
